Wedding invitation wording carries more weight than most couples realise. The choice between "request the honour of your presence" and "would love you to join us" sets the tone of the entire wedding before a guest has read the date. Below are the three main styles in current use, with examples and notes on the etiquette rules that genuinely still matter.
Traditional
The classic format hosts the parents of the bride as the inviting party. Used most often when parents are paying for the wedding or when the families are formal in their conventions.
Mr. and Mrs. James Reed
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Eleanor Margaret
to
Henry William Carter
Saturday, the eighteenth of July
two thousand and twenty-six
at four o'clock in the afternoon
St. Andrew's Church
Boston, Massachusetts
Note the conventions: spelled-out date and time, "honour" rather than "honor" (signals church wedding traditionally), parents formally named, time spelled out.
Modern
The couple hosts the wedding themselves and the language relaxes accordingly. Used by most weddings in the last decade. Still formal in structure, looser in language.
Eleanor Reed
and
Henry Carter
invite you to celebrate their marriage
Saturday, July 18th, 2026
4:00 in the afternoon
The Boston Public Library
Boston, Massachusetts
Notable differences: numerals for dates and times are acceptable, "celebrate" replaces "honour of your presence," and the venue is named more conversationally.
Casual
The most informal style — used for elopements, courthouse weddings followed by parties, second weddings, and intentionally low-key celebrations.
Eleanor and Henry
are getting married!
Join us for the celebration
Saturday, July 18 at 4 PM
The Boston Public Library
Dinner and dancing to follow
The casual style allows direct contractions, exclamation, and conversational phrasing. The risk is sliding into preciousness — keep the language genuine, not cute.
The four etiquette rules that genuinely still matter
1. Names spelled in full and correctly. Take time to verify spellings, especially for parents and grandparents. A misspelled name on an invitation is the kind of small detail that lingers in family memory.
2. RSVP date that gives the venue actual notice. Most caterers want final numbers two weeks before. RSVP three weeks before the wedding. Earlier is fine; later causes problems.
3. "Children welcome" or its absence. If you are not inviting children, do not say so explicitly on the invitation — say so via the addressing of the envelope (only the adults are named). The invitation should never feel like a list of restrictions.
4. Dress code matters. If the wedding is black tie or cocktail-attire, say so on the invitation or accompanying card. Guests appreciate being told.
What no longer matters
Whether to spell out the year. Whether to use "and" or an ampersand between names. Whether to capitalise the day of the week. These were strict rules in 1985 and are now matters of taste. Pick what looks right with your typography and stop worrying.
